Just Raw...

My emotions are just so raw right now. I have been trying to hide it and make like things are okay but I think it's only making it worse. And I really can't even explain what emotion I am feeling right now but I know that it hurts - physically. Like my chest just aches and it my whole body feels so heavy and sore. I have never been good with emotions - either I am too emotional or not at all (well at least trying to pretend). And right now I am some where in between. I have all these things I want to say and ask but I just can't because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of screwing it up more. But I didn't screw up in the first place. I am not saying that I am not with out any faults but this go around I was completely blindsided. I just want to go back to when things were really good and figure out how to keep them that way and just erase the last several months. I have to have faith and believe that things are going to be okay but some days that is just really hard. Today is definitely one of those days. I feel like I have been having an out of body experience or it's all just a really really bad dream. But it's not. And that just sucks. I think I need to take up boxing...or at least beat the shit out of a punching bag on a daily basis. Maybe that will help.